RELATIONSHIPS...

I started out my day, doing one of the things I normally do (among other things). I read one of my favorite devotionals, by Chuck Swindoll--this one really resonated with me. It would have convicted and indicted me a few years ago, but today thankfully, I could read it with a sense of freedom. However, I saw in it a clear and rather vivid portrait of our current society. Here it is:

A Cavalier Culture

There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

A hurry-up lifestyle results in a throwaway culture. Things that should be lasting and meaningful are sacrificed on the altar of the temporary and superficial.

The major fallout in such a setting is the habit of viewing relationships casually. This cavalier attitude cripples society in various ways:

Friends walk away instead of work through.

Partnerships dissolve rather than solve.
Neighbors no longer visit and relax together.
The aged are resented, not honored.
Husbands and wives divorce rather than persevere.
Children are brushed aside rather than nourished.

Relationships! Never sell them short.

If we'll slow down the hurry-up lifestyle for a moment and pause to catch our breath, we'll realize the need to call a halt to our throwaway culture.

Excerpted from Charles R. Swindoll, Wisdom for the Way

 

When I finished reading the short discourse, I thought, "Boy, did he ever wrap up Western civilization in a nutshell, or what??!!!" This is an exact replica of (unfortunately) even Christians, in our society. Relationship has been devalued by us, and we throw them away without a second thought--at least it seems that way. No one should enter a marriage "ill-advisedly" but today marriage is viewed as either not important and cast aside or as somewhat of a trial period; if it works, then we'll stay together. That's why they don't work. The mindset couples have to have (first of all) when getting married, is that no matter what trouble comes, we will be together until death parts us. Then, when the storms come, the option of separating isn't even on the table. If that option exists, it will usually be chosen--it's the quickest solution; however complicated and painful. And, it's the same solution we apply to all of our relationship problems.

When we have problems at our church, we leave and find another one. Somehow, we don't realize the importance of "staying and praying" and how doing so builds spiritual character. Running from church to church makes for perpetual spiritual infancy--and for those who will never be able to stand in the face of opposition. Pride is usually at the root, and an unwillingness to be humbled. Does that mean that everyone who leaves a church is wrong? No, of course not. Many are right, but there are times when God will allow us to be humbled so that in "due time" He may exalt us. However, too often we can't stay if no one listens to us, and acknowledges that we are right and they are wrong--that's not godly; it's pride. God is not glorified in that. What would happen if every godly person left an unhealthy church? Sometimes, God has healthy people in unhealthy situations to provide service that is invaluable to that ministry--so what, if no one recognizes your contribution. God sees. We have to grow up and stop running from our problems--and our churches, and be willing to stand in the face of opposition, even when it's hard. Relationships are hard--they are a lot of work, but they are also worth the effort.

 

I often hear people say things like this quote, "I don’t regret my past; I just regret the time I’ve wasted with the wrong people.” (Author unknown). It sounds good on the service, but who are the "wrong people" and how is time wasted if lessons are learned? We tend to think the "wrong people" in our lives are those who hurt us, gossip about us, stab us in the back--our frienemies, etc. However, if we are Christians, none of these people can be a waste of time in our lives--and we certainly don't get to throw them away. That's also a common idea, too. If people hurt us repeatedly, "we don't have to take it--we would be foolish to do so, we have to forgive them, but we don't have to interact with them". I have yet to find that Scripture. As I recall, Jesus taught a radically different message. He taught His followers (and that would include anyone who calls him/herself a Christian) to love (even) their enemies--how do you love someone without interacting with them? Love is not in word only, but in deed. Jesus also told us to "turn the other cheek". What did He mean by that? 

 

When Jesus was teaching  these seemingly impossible lessons (turn the other cheek, as opposed to "an eye for an eye..., etc.) in Matthew 5:38-42, it takes context to understand the meaning. First, remember that He did not come to destroy the Law--but to fulfil or to complete and finish it. He had to correct some of the misconceptions created by the distortions of the Law (by the Pharisees and scribes over hundreds of years). It had been so perverted that it was no longer a picture of what God originally intended for His people. Note that Jesus doesn't say, "It is written" but instead says, "You have heard that it was said" because it had not been written originally as they were now hearing it. "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth" was never meant to be a tit-for-tat kind of justice--between individuals or in the judicial system. It was a guideline meant to block those an authority from exacting justice that did not fit the crime. For instance, stoning someone because he accidentally killed his neighbor's lamb. These verses deal with the Law of Retaliation or "lex talionis". Jesus went through this explanation because the Pharisees had been misusing the Law to justify their own personal selfish and wicked behaviors. When Jesus taught that we must "turn the other cheek" He was teaching us not to avenge ourselves--not to seek retaliation...to let it go. Leave the hurt in God's Hands (I think Exodus 14:14 really sums that up, concisely!). If we would do this, how much easier would it be to really forgive, "seventy times seven". We count every new offense against us (making real forgiveness seem impossible), because we have not let go of the prior offenses. This is how you come to the place where people can say, "I will never forgive ____________ for _______________." And so, they remain bound, and hell-bound, in it.

If the world handles relationships this way, it's sad, but if the church relates to one another this way it has eternal repercussions, not only for us as individuals, either. As Christians, we cannot afford to harbor grudges, resentment, ill-will or unforgiveness in our hearts toward anyone. And, it isn't enough to say to ourselves or to God that we release them from these things--we have to let them know that they are released from them, and then we have to "walk" in that release. We have to treat our brother according to that restoration. Avoiding is not forgiving. Not speaking to people is not forgiving. Will it place us in a vulnerable position to be hurt again? Yes, it will, but we won't be destroyed; I promise, if God allows it, He will use it to bless us and others. Our hurts have purpose. They grow us up--if we let them.

As Christians, it is past time for us to reestablish connections. If there are relationships that have been severed for any reason, work toward restoration--even if parties are deceased. Yes, I said that. There is a tool used in psychology, where you set up a chair and talk to it (in place of the individual you need to talk to)--you say what needs to be said, and resolve issues. Some of us, may need to "talk" to some chairs. If parents, grandparents, spouses, children, friends, etc. are gone, but there were unresolved issues--and unforgiveness, guilt, etc. deal with it. You might choose to write a letter and not send it, but forgive them. This can also be useful as a tool for those who refuse to hear your apology or wish to resolve the issue. Do whatever you have to do to be free. It's a heavy burden to carry around--and many of us carry it around, needlessly for years. Examine your life--start counting your relationships--how many people have come into your life, and left on less than positive terms? If there is even one person, then you have work to do. Get busy--it is imperative; your soul is at stake. Go and find them, if you have to. Forgive. We have to do this, if we want to be forgiven.  

Finally, we must stop being so disconnected. It's sad that we can go to church week after week and have no real fellowship with those we worship with. There's nothing Apostolic about that--how did the apostles' do things? Together. That's how the church grew. It didn't grow because people saw how prosperous they were and wanted to get in on it--remember, "silver and gold have I none, but such as I have...." In fact, many were in extreme poverty, so those who weren't sold all that they had, and gave the proceeds so that everyone could have their needs met--"and they had all things common". And they continued "daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved." We can't leave anyone out--we can't afford to let anyone slip through the cracks, not if we are truly one.

 

Don't throw away anyone--or any relationship. Give it all you've got, then let God. 

 

Get "sticky"! (Proverbs 18:24)