I'M SORRY!

I'M SORRY!!! How do YOU say, "I'm sorry"? Often, when we have offended someone, and are aware of it, we apologize--or, at least we say the words. What, though, is the feeling behind the words? Apologies come in many forms and appearances. Some are genuine, some only serve the offender--to appease guilt or to feel justified, some are downright hostile--and not really accepting of any guilt in the matter, and many more are never even uttered, but (supposed to be) assumed by those we have offended.

All of us offend. All of us have a duty and responsibility to apologize. It is also a privilege--repentance in any form, is freeing and cleansing. Still, many of us resist honest, straightforward, responsibility-accepting apologizing. Genuine "I'm sorry's" are healing. They open lines of communication, restore trust and make room for unity and love to abound. It is our pride and self-will that keeps us from offering sincere apologies. We are more concerned with what people think, than we are about correcting our wrongs and pleasing God. We want forgiveness--but we don't want to ask for it--we will ask God for it, but not those we have offended and hurt. There is something seriously wrong with that picture. Of course, whenever we offend someone, we offend God (indirectly), but we have directly offended a person--why then, do we have such an issue with seeking them for forgiveness? It isn't really right with God, as long as it isn't right with the (directly) offended.

Maybe, if we understood how satan uses this resistance to offer sincere apologies, against the Body of Christ, we would run to repair our relationships with one another, rather than avoid it. satan understands how pride and self-will divides, and creates serious breaches in our midst. he knows as long as these breaches exist, true fellowship is broken and love cannot abound. he knows that trust broken breeds not only distrust, but fear, bitterness and distance. Walls go up to protect (ourselves) when we have been hurt, and they stay up and, in fact, get built higher and higher, as long as nothing comes (like a genuine apology) to begin to tear them down.

We have directions in the Word of God regarding apologies--toward God and others. We see people respond in the correct manner--and the incorrect manner, when being confronted with offenses in the Word of God. Unfortunately, we are really good at the incorrect--and, not so hot at the correct manner. Remember when King David (yes, the king!) was informed of his sin (and all offenses are sin, because they cause another to "stumble"? Offenses in the Bible are described as "stumblingblocks", so accurately, because that is exactly what they do). Offenses seem to give license to the offended, to hate, distrust, withhold love and affection to those who have offended us. We don't have a right to do any of these, but being offended places us in a position to want retaliation, if only inwardly. Offenses cause damage. David decided to take Bathsheba to himself, even though she belonged to Uriah. His response to cover his wicked deed, was to kill Uriah, rather than be exposed. When the prophet Nathan confronts David, he very wisely offers a story about a poor man with only one little lamb that the poor man loved and cared for. He tells David that a traveler comes to visit and he (the rich man) has the an abundance to offer his guest, but he selfishly decides that he wants the poor man's only "little ewe lamb", and he takes it and kills it, and serves it to his guest! David is enraged at the story and declares that this evil man shall die for his offense against the poor man. It is then, that Nathan informs the king, "Thou art the man". David could have responded in any number of ways: he could have killed the prophet (he wouldn't have been the first to slay a prophet for an unwanted message), he could have rationalized that, as king, it was his right to take whatever he wanted--that's why Bathsheba couldn't refuse him. David could have just said you don't have a right to question me--after all, I am the king and I can do whatever I choose. However, David's reponse was immediate contrition, and he accepted his punishment, without accusation, or rationalization. He took responsibility. David was forgiven--in spite of his great sin--because he responded rightly--and David (in spite of his wicked deed and errors) was considered by God,  to be "a man after God's own heart". Why? It wasn't his appearance--"because God looks at the heart". God gave that distinction to David, because of his response (from the heart)--because David was willing to accept responsibility for his sin.

In order for us to please God, we must stop the tendency to cover our own sins against one another and be honest enough to confront them and facilitate healing. Will every apology be received? No, but our responsibility, scripturally, is to offer them anyway. When it occurs between two in the Body of Christ, who sincerely love God, it will be healing and restorative--and even work out for our good. It is the mature child of God who accepts resonsibility for wrongs and takes steps to repair the damage. It is immature and ungodly to hide from the responsibility of seeking forgiveness. Most often, we attempt to put the responsibility on the offended party--by constantly declaring that the offended must forgive, without even seeking the forgiveness that is needed. We want it, but don't make us ask for it!

Luke 17:1-4 says, "1AND [Jesus] said to His disciples, Temptations (snares, traps set to entice to sin) are sure to come, but woe to him by or through whom they come! It would be more profitable for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were hurled into the sea than that he should cause to sin or be a snare to one of these little ones [lowly in rank or influence]. Pay attention and always be on your guard [looking out for one another]. If your brother sins (misses the mark), solemnly tell him so and reprove him, and if he repents (feels sorry for having sinned), forgive him. And even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and turns to you seven times and says, I repent [I am sorry], you must forgive him (give up resentment and consider the offense as recalled and annulled)." This is the format that Jesus provides for offenders and the offended. When someone sins against us, we must go to them and confront (solemnly--without hostility, meanness and in love). When confronted, we must repent (stop the behavior, turn away from it) and be sorry--repentance always involves contrition. There is no room for arrogance in repentance. Many times, when we are confronted with sin, it is our response to look for excuses and assign blame to the person we offended, or to feign ignorance in the matter--that is not repentance, and it is not the model that Jesus gave. If we follow His instructions in these matters, we make it easy for our brothers and sisters to forgive us, and put away ("recall and annul") the hurt.

Have you wronged someone? Even if they aren't aware, you still have a responsibility to seek forgiveness (and not just pretend nothing ever happened). The more we determine to do it God's way, in spite of  our pride, the more God will bless us in our relationships--with Him and others. Be willing to accept responsibility for wrongs and don't try to "sweep them under the rug", but seek forgiveness, with honesty and straightforwardness from those offended.

Love & Abundant Blessings!