FORGIVE...AND FORGET

I woke up with a nudge from God to forgive. And, the face I saw was Osama bin Laden (and I believe, he represented my need to forgive, and really forget all offenses against me--it took his face to really get my attention and focus). Forgiveness is deep—it goes beyond the simple. It’s not hard to forgive the small things, but there are those things that we struggle to forgive, fully. It seemed strange for a moment—first of all, I thought I’d done that already; but as I think back to the time that they found him, and took his life, I remember how I felt. I understand now, for me to be that comfortable, I hadn’t really forgiven him. I also can't be comfortable when my personal offenders suffer, either. It's tempting, at times, to think, "that's what you get!" but it is wrong. It also proves that forgiveness has not really been extended.

Forgiveness is not based on deservedness. Forgiveness is given in spite of the fact that it isn’t deserved; that is the character of forgiveness. Who really deserves to be forgiven? The only people there are to forgive, are offenders; and no offender is deserving of that grace. One thing that can help us forgive (and forget) is to learn about our offenders and why they may respond the way they do. I always remind myself, “Hurt people, hurt people”. No one (well, maybe Osama bin Laden, but even he wasn’t born that way—it was instilled in him) wakes up in the morning with a mindset to make you miserable. It really isn’t on anyone’s list of things to do. People respond and act based on their own experiences, and hurts. Insecure people act out—sometimes viciously. Jealous people do, too. Depressed and oppressed people often do, and tired people, as well as frustrated people can behave like attack dogs, too. 

Although all of us were born in sin, no baby was born to kill. Terrorists are built, by being ingrained with hatred and exclusivity—terror isn’t exclusive to Arabic countries, either. We have a lot of American terrorists—many sit in Christian churches, with terroristic tendencies and ideologies. We don’t recognize it as the same thing, we call it protection of ourselves and our way of life, but so do Islamic terrorists. People are so much more alike than they are different. More guns and bombs won’t help us stop terrorism and war; talking and addressing our differences will. Terrorists are stubborn, obstinate people—"Christian" and Islamic ones. It’s really hard to see ourselves—and back down, when you have been so vehemently in support of something for so long and a part of a group backing you up and sharing the errant thinking—the mob mentality takes over; and all reason disappears. And, the death toll rises.
  

The power of forgiveness is in recognizing just how undeserving we are, and yet receiving it—and in doing the same. As we have been forgiven, we must forgive. That means in the same manner. Of course, the Osama bin Laden’s, the Jeffrey Dahmer’s, the Adam Lanza’s, the Charles Roberts’ (school shooter at Amish School in Nickel Mines, PA), the Charles Manson’s, or even the Saul’s (Paul, before his conversion) don't deserve forgiveness, but neither do we. Of course, we say, but we are not mass murderers. It doesn’t matter to God, sin is evil, and all sin is punishable in the same way, if we do not repent. But the wonderful and gracious thing is this; as soon as we repent, He forgives us. That’s how Saul, on his way to destroy more Christians and to devastate the early church, could be converted on the Damascus Road. Forgiveness has the power to change hearts, if we extend it. Some hearts may not change (it is their choice, too), but our responsibility to forgive, doesn’t end because forgiveness isn’t received—we still must forgive, as Christ forgave us.  

I remember the tragic shooting at the school where several Amish girls were killed. I also remember the forgiveness that was immediately extended. It was viewed as remarkable and unbelievable. Some, even questioned how could they possibly really love their children and yet, so fully and freely forgive the man who brutally took them away, forever. Even many Christians were in awe. For that community, the answer was simple, forgiveness is the right thing to do. I’m sure they recognized the benefit in doing so, too. Of course, it benefited the family of the shooter, as they extended themselves without blame—and, in love. We kept watching, as a society, for a while to see if there was going to be some change, or some break in their forgiveness, but it never came. They stood firm in their resolve to forgive the offense, and let it go. They mourned their losses, but were able to separate that grief from the offense. That is how we forgive. I’m grateful for that modern example of forgiveness, because without it, many could go on saying "it isn’t possible".  

Joseph Shapiro, wrote of their forgiveness, and their struggle with grief in this article saying "'Charles Roberts wasn't Amish, but Amish families knew him as the milk truck driver who made deliveries. Last month, it was announced that the Amish community had donated money to the killer's widow and her three young children.

It was one more gesture of forgiveness, gestures that began soon after the shooting.
Donald Kraybill, is a sociologist at nearby Elizabethtown College and co-author of Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy.

'I think the most powerful demonstration of the depth of Amish forgiveness was when members of the Amish community went to the killer's burial service at the cemetery,' Kraybill says. 'Several families, Amish families who had buried their own daughters just the day before were in attendance and they hugged the widow, and hugged other members of the killer's family.'

Achieving Forgiveness

The misperception that the Amish had quickly gotten over the tragedy was one of many about the community, according to Jonas Beiler, the founder of the Family Resource and Counseling Center.

Beiler says there's another myth about the Amish: that they don't use electricity or drive cars, and that they don't seek mental health therapy. Beiler is one of the handful of counseling centers that have been used by local Amish.

Beiler and his therapists have counseled many people in the Amish community in the wake of the school shooting. A year later, some family members are still startled by the sound of a helicopter overhead. Survivors, including some of the older boys who were let go by the killer, now wonder if somehow they could have stopped the massacre.

'We've talked to these people,' says Beiler. 'And they're all dealing with this one day at a time, the best they can. There are still nightmares. Some of the schoolchildren are dealing with what we would call, emotional instabilities, and this will go on for several years yet.'"

We don’t honor our loved ones by holding on to the worst thing that ever happened to them. We honor them, by remembering the good things about their lives—how they touched others, their smile, their kindness, and their way of seeing the good in negative situations, etc. The families in that Amish community in Pennsylvania recognized this. I believe they also recognized that “it rains on the just, and on the unjust”. It’s a healthy mentality to understand that the world is not out to get you personally—neither is satan. he is out to destroy as much of God in mankind, as he can, before Jesus appears. he knows that he can’t possibly destroy God or even God in totality in man—but he puts forth his best effort. When we refuse to forgive, we lend him a hand. When we propagate the lie that good things happen to God’s people; and bad things happen to those who don’t know Him, or those who “lack faith”, we also lend him a big helping hand. The recognition doesn’t mean we don’t experience grief and sorrow, but they are separate from the necessity to forgive—and forgiveness keeps us from the added burden of bitterness that prolongs the grieving process, and often changes us (negatively) if we don’t surrender it.

Why do we forgive? We forgive, because we have been forgiven [Colossians 3:13]. How do we forgive? We forgive, as Christ forgave us, and gave Himself…. [Ephesians 4:32; 5:2]. Is it easy, no; but neither was the cross. Still Jesus took the nails on our behalf forgiving us, freely. As He forgave, we must forgive. Why does God forgive us? He forgives us because He first loved us [1 John 4:19]. How does God forgive us? He forgets our sin [Isaiah 43:25]. An Omnipotent God empowers Himself to forget sin, and if we allow Him to, He will empower us to forget offenses against us, too. We don’t forget the occurrence, but we can (if we desire to) “forget” and put behind us the animosity, the feelings of retaliation, and vengeance and find peace.

We can forgive and forget, if we want to.