How to Forgive

^“Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]

Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God [possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God], did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained,

But stripped Himself [of all privileges andrightful dignity], so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave), in that He became like men and was born a human being.

 And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself [still further] and carried His obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross!

Therefore [because He stooped so low] God has highly exalted Him…”                              [Philippians 2:5-9a, AMP Bible]

            There is no big secret or mystery to forgiveness. It doesn’t take a special person to do it—or a better one. The person that forgives is not superior to the one who struggles to forgive. The “secret” to forgiveness is humility. Jesus is our perfect example of the Forgiver. He became the Ultimate Forgiver, for no one ever forgave like Him—before or since, yet in His act of forgiveness toward us, lays the key to our ability to forgive.

            Paul writes to us, “Let this mind be in you”—or, “let this same attitude and purpose and humble mind be in you” that was in Christ Jesus. What Paul is trying to impress upon our hearts is that we must be renewed and transformed in our “minds” (hearts)—the deepest part of us in such a manner that we are so humbled that we look beyond the faults of our offenders and see their need for forgiveness. We must offer forgiveness no matter the response, with humble hearts, graciously, as did Jesus—Who knew no sin. Understand that forgiveness has two components for both the forgiver/offended and the forgiven/offender. The forgiver in the act of forgiveness really only covers himself (unlike Christ), and when he forgives (like Christ) there is no guarantee that the offender is going to react positively—but, he must still forgive, even when his offender accepts no responsibility, lies, reverses blame, or even becomes hostile. Still, forgive. Jesus forgave us, “while we were yet sinners”. In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul reminds us, “Do you not know that the unrighteous and the wrongdoers will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived (misled): neither the impure and immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality, Nor cheats (swindlers and thieves), nor greedy graspers, nor drunkards, nor foulmouthed revilers and slanderers, nor extortioners and robbers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God. And such some of you were [once]. But you were washed clean (purified by a complete atonement for sin and made free from the guilt of sin), and you were consecrated (set apart, hallowed), and you were justified [pronounced righteous, by trusting] in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the [Holy] Spirit of our God.”

            We needed a Savior to forgive us and to look past our sin; to blot it out by His divine love and power—and He did just that. When we forgive we are walking after the Spirit. Choosing to forgive, and allowing the Holy Spirit to replace the bitterness and hurt within our heart, with compassion and forgiveness for those that offend us is a divine act that aligns us with the will of God. We place great emphasis on the things that we do for God and His Kingdom, like preaching, teaching, ministry of song, but forgiveness surpasses them all. We can’t be in His will while holding grudges and seething in hurt, anger and bitterness. Preaching and singing don’t cover a multitude of sins, only love does.

            Wouldn’t it be sad to live all of our lives in church singing, preaching and teaching, or cleaning the church, ministering to the elderly saints and visiting those in prison only to be cast into eternal damnation because we refuse to forgive? And that is the reality of not forgiving our offenders because, if we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven [Matthew 18:34, 35]. Baptism won’t save us, having the Holy Ghost won’t save us—if we don’t forgive. Forgiveness is a choice, too. It only requires a willing heart—that’s where the humility comes in. Our pride is the thing that keeps us from releasing individuals from the guilt of their offenses against us. Pride is the only reason we won’t let it go. Forgiveness will “heal our land”, but the first step is humbling ourselves.

            As offenders, pride keeps us from sincere apologies. Often, our “apologies” are laden with pride. We offer them smugly, or arrogantly, or angrily—and expect those we have hurt to be done with the issue. Humility isn’t found anywhere in our apology, not in our countenance, or on our lips. An apology is first of all, face-to-face (if at all possible); it is humble and heartfelt and the offender is willing to hear his brother that he’s offended. It is amazing how far-reaching the effects of a simple apology can be. What an apology has the power to erase is mind-boggling. That’s essentially what Jesus did for us at Calvary—He “apologized” for our sinful behavior, and secured our pardon. By His awesome humility, He paid a debt that He did not owe. In all of our lives there will come a time when we will be faced with the task/opportunity to “pay a debt” that we are not responsible for. That’s what we do when we forgive. Offenders don’t deserve forgiveness—we didn’t deserve the forgiveness that we received from Jesus, but He gave it freely. While our offenders deserve to be punished, to hurt, to feel guilt and pain for their abuses, it is godly to release them from that guilt. When we forgive others we remove the penalty for their offenses against us, as far as we are concerned—we no longer hold them responsible for the offense; we free them from that burden and reconcile them back into full fellowship with us. The estrangement ceases when we forgive. We don’t keep them at arm’s length when we truly forgive, but we embrace them fully. It isn’t always instantaneous. But, the heart that chooses to forgive will be empowered to do so; however long it may take, it will happen.  

            Finally, examine your life (as I examine my own), if there are people in your life that have offended you—no matter how deeply, choose to forgive them, and ask God to help you to do so—I promise you, He will do it. If you happen to be the offender—and we all have been at some point (or will be), don’t “sweep it under the rug”, don’t assume that they are over it—they may be, but that doesn’t free us from our responsibility to ask for forgiveness; that’s the second component to forgiveness. The offender has a part, too. In Luke 17, Jesus taught that if an offender seeks forgiveness (over and over, again) the offended has the obligation to forgive him. To that the disciples responded, “Lord, increase our faith.” This lets us see that offenders have to “repent” or ask for forgiveness from those they have offended. It has been a popular idea that we can circumvent this process and simply confess it to God, but it’s just like love—“If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” [1 John 4:20]. God requires that we become perfect (mature) sons, who take responsibility for our actions and when we are wrong (or have been wronged), we admit our wrongs and take corrective measures to facilitate healing.

Don’t cop out—man up; if you offend someone, do the right thing. If you have been hurt, grow up, and let it go—and let them go.